My limit

Should I stop blogging?
I suddenly feel that I am not significant to anyone.
That my existence was never felt,
nor will my future disappearance.
My efforts were never known.
I had been patient for so long,
perhaps it is time for revenge.
What is the use being so nice in today's world?
You will never be appreciated.
I learned my lesson, so it is payback time.

For those who were never punctual,
never expect me to be punctual anymore.
Since long long time ago I was taught by my Dad,
to be at least 15 minutes earlier.
Now even if I am late 1 minute,
you will be late for 30 minutes.
Damn you!!
And when the meeting haven't finish,
and I need to leave for another,
you will stare at me.
Fucker!!
It's not my fault that the meeting don't end on time,
as if I have all my time for you.

And, for those who think they can push everything to me,
just because they are slightly busier than me.
Wtf is wrong with you, do your part and do it on time!!
what's all with the delay and making things so difficult.
To those who are unable to accept others ideas,
but never give ideas and can't stop being sarcastic,
don't make a fool out of yourselves.

For some reason,
I got so angry till I cried.
I always cry when I am really really angry.
Why on Earth are people so selfish and inconsiderate.
Now they all give me no reason to be considerate,
no reason to be punctual, no reason to be forgiving.
Now I feel that wouldn't it be great for me to treat them the same?
This is not the first time I felt this way.
Only this time I blogged it out to let you think.
You stupid idiots!!
Well, if you read my blog.

I was right.
When people say threat others good
and others will treat you the same.
Be good so that the luck and wealth or
whatever good shits will be with you.
But it is no longer the same in the world today.
Only the foolish try to be good,
and get bullied and tortured.
Today, you must be bad to have the good shits with you.
It doesn't matter what God think.
Just like how corruption is.
You got everything you want, that's it.
Nobody cares the dirty tricks you did.

I'm tired of this place, this world.
I wish to sleep and never get up to face it anymore.
Though there are still so much joys and smiles around,
they are not enough to cover all the sadness and tears.
Why is a smile worth a thousand meaning,
and a tear, worthless?

Here I am eating a bowl of empty noodles,
feeling so sick of everything.
Without anyone who bother whether I exist.
Life goes on even without me.
Is this how people who suicide think?
I think I better shut up from now.
Make a change back to my old self.
Where I got scolded for being too quiet.
I love being quiet, never bothered I was scolded.
It was the world which makes me voice out,
when I got tired of how people ain't making things better.
But now I no longer care what the world is doing.
People are so selfish they never consider what others say.
You do yours, I do mine.
I'm tired. I've reach my limit.

Smile :D

The miracles of God.

When I lost hope in everything,
He show me miracles.

Symbolic Life

For some reason I am really of being in this place,

being in this position.

Day by day I get more and more things .

First, I would like to say to all readers.

I had been very busy the past weekend,


being part of grand events,

spending time with my far from

and of course using every second I had to complete my projects.



Friday night was Talent Search 2009.

It was a success and I did enjoyed my throughout.

Saturday night was a Farewell Dinner for the CSS seniors.

A night filled with I can say.

Both nights, I arrived in my room almost 2AM.

Barely able to open my , I hit the straight.

Sunday morning was Talent Search 2009 postmortem.



The rest of the day I had to complete my Moral project.



At night it was Rotaract Avenue meeting.

After the meeting, wrapped for Rotaract Installation Night

till almost 12AM.

Then I got back to Differential Equations.

Though so much preparations, I still the interview.

Not because I could not answer the questions ,

but because I got myself and told the wrong concept.

After that was a quiz, managed to finish but am not fully confident.



At the end of the day,



I still need to meet my Academic Writing

lecturer for consultant on a

Had co-curriculum drama practice at .


My energy is all drained out.

I am not only ,

I am disappointed and with myself.

After the interview,

I was practically the whole day.

I wanted a so that I can

something as hard as I want.

I used to ask my brother to hold a for me to .

I hope at least he is here.

I do walls as well, of course not till my hand bleed.

I am not

and are just my ways to release .

Different people have different ways.

Some play , some sleep, some go for,
some , some play ,

some watch , some read ,



some go for and etc.

In less than a month I will be back

I have lost my interest in aiming-high and working hard.

The world is getting so that the

efforts do not seemed to worth it.



I used to be perfectionist, still a little perhaps.

But when others being ,

no one will see the efforts, no one will see the sacrifice.



I need to be out of this place.

I need to and go for class, I guess.

These are places I can channel

everything out of me and feel

Bass vs Waldorf

Suddenly I feel like I am Blair and I made him Chuck.

I made so many mistakes but he still forgives me.

Until the point where

I need to put deep thoughts on whether to apologize again,

and he need to put deep thoughts on whether to forgive again.

Proven, movie influences life.

xoxo

p/s : I am not perasan-ing, just finished GG S3E6.
In GG mood perhaps... XD

Communication, fail!

Warning : this is a very wordy post.

I finally realized why unity of different races and different cultures is so difficult be to achieved in Malaysia. One part of the country, people talk about One Malaysia, pictures and posters of different races celebrating the Independence Day together pasted everywhere and published in the net. Another part, people hang out among their own races and discriminating about the others. Standing together to take a picture is so easy compared to having conversation. Of course, I am sure that not everyone is facing the same problem among races but communication is, in fact a reason why unity cannot be achieved.

I grew up in a Chinese community, went to a private Chinese kindergarten, a government Chinese primary school and a made-up-of-mostly Chinese government secondary school. Practically I mixed around with Chinese since I got myself involved in education. The only different is my Mum is not a Chinese, so I do not speak Chinese to her and my Dad was English educated. In the end, it turns out that I speak Hokkien and English at home and communicating in Mandarin only with my teachers and friends in school. Well, a reason I flunked my Mandarin during UPSR and PMR is because I can only practice it in school. Okay, getting all A's and B for Mandarin was terrible enough for me. I used to blame that subject because it was the reason I was not able to obtain straight A's. English has always been my favourite subject, because I was taught to converse and write in English by my Mum since I was born (my Dad was always traveling when I was younger, I was mostly educated by my Mum).

Malay language was never the priority, but for some reason, I used to excel in that subject even till secondary school. I never converse in Malay and no one taught me how, the reason being in a Chinese-English community since young. It was when I started hanging out with my cousins during late primary era did I learned Melayu Sarawak and caught up with that language through listening. The same goes to Bidayuh, no one actually taught me but I learned through listening especially during Gawai and Christmas when the whole family will be back to the village. Whenever I heard my cousins talking and I am curious about certain words, I will ask and try to apply it.

Yesterday I faced two conflicts which I guess are among the reasons unity is so difficult to be achieved in Malaysia. I have friends of different races, I do not hang out in cliques. So yesterday I was walking back to our hostel with one of my Malay course mate. Since I came to university, specifically in West Malaysia, I tried to learn the West Malaysians Malay language, and it was the first time I learnt to talk more Malay. In Uni is also the first place I talked Melayu Sarawak openly with my Sarawakians and I was shocked myself that I mastered it so fast because I had never spoken the language except really broken ones with my cousins. So this friend of mine was wishing me Happy Belated Birthday and ask whether she should give me a treat. At that moment, I had something in mind but I had very difficult time saying it in Malay language. Hopefully she understood that I was trying very hard to speak Malay, knowing that I am a Chinese.

Later on at night after a meeting, there was this friend asking me for a treat when he saw me bought Cadbury Bytes from the Minimart. He spoke the West Malaysian Malay so fast that I could not catch what he said. He repeated three times until he gave up and another friend explained in a simpler Malay language. Yesterday itself, I realized there are still communication boundaries and limitations in Malaysia, making it quite impossible to achieve the One Malaysia vision. As we all know, communication is very important to achieve tolerance and harmony. The problem is not everyone can master all three main languages, even though I was born fortunate enough to be surrounded by all three languages, I believe not all are born the same. Like my Mum who do not understand Chinese language and my Dad who only understand a slight of Malay language, my friends who are fully Chinese educated, fully English educated or are fully Malay educated.

Language barrier is purely one of the reason to the formation of cliques in the society. We feel more comfortable talking to someone who can fully understand us and those who can react to what we say. Currently I admit being more comfortable with those who speak English, Hokkien, Mandarin and Melayu Sarawak, mainly because I master those languages better than the others. But I feel lucky now that I am catching up with the Sabahan language, Indonesian and trying my best to improve my Bidayuh and Malay language.

So for some reason I feel that one has to move around and try to master different languages, especially in Malaysia where it is made up of multiple races and cultures. Not only to minimize the limitations in communication but also to understand it when people gossip about you in some other languages (that they thought you do not understand). I experienced that since I was young, lucky me. Some people do not know that I am Chinese, especially when I hang out or go shopping with my Mum. There was this one time my Mum tried on this blouse in a boutique, there were these bitchy salesgirls talking how bad she looked in the blouse. Of course my Mum did not understand, but I did. When we left, I purposely talked Chinese with my brother who was also there (usually we speak English or Hokkien only) and I gave the bitches a heart-piercing stare. Yea, they looked shocked and quickly walked away. But I never told my Mum what they said, hopefully she will not read this post. XD

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Look at how much Language can cause
confusions and misunderstandings.

source : engrishfunny.com

Heppi Birthday Acing!

Happy 5th Birthday to my lil cousin,
Adreanna Ratan
aka Aching!!

In the picture above,
she was wearing a wig,
and yes, she's a poser and cam whorer.
...if there is such word XD


Other pictures I have of her...

She is loved by all family members.
Practically because she is so much younger
than her elder sister but still act more maturely.


She is the type who is not afraid of strangers and at times,
talk like an adult.



She and my nephew (cousin's son)


She and her sister having fun with the wigs.
Both are make up freaks and beauty freaks. XD


Look at that innocent face. lol
She wore earrings and lipstick. Haha



Dearly missing her.
Can't wait to get back to my village,
hug her and hear her talk non stop again.
Though I may get pissed and fed up sometimes. XD

May God bless her ;
a year older,
a year wiser,
and a year cuter. :D

Tweeettt!

My latest twitter posts :

• "Just gt back from Tanjung Malim, 3days 2 nights Penang Coordinating Council meeting.Celebrated my Birthday in church. New experience."

Last Friday noon, 6 of us set off to Tanjung Malim for the Penang Coordinating Council (PCC) meeting/ Annual General Meeting (AGM) which took place at a very new church. The meeting involved different Uni from the Penang Council and it was a whole great and new experience. to me It was a 3 days 2 nights meeting and the second day was my birthday. I woke up and I sort of had this voice in me saying, "Oh, I'm gonna celebrating the whole day of my birthday in Church. Cool." I was happy spending it with my loved ones and people who cared for me.

• "Will be deleting some unknown people I accidentally accepted on Facebook. Yea, I only accept and add people I know as my friends."

I had decided to delete those who I know through mutual friends on Facebook. I understand that accepting them maybe the only way to make new friends online but I do not hink it will work if we are not connected through very very close mutual friends. Though we may have 10 to 20 mutual friends, it does not mean that I ever see that person in real life or ever converse with him or her. So I guess there is no point having thousands of friends when most of them are only connected through mutual friends or are added randomly. Will solve it after my nap. Tata... (*Suddenly feel that my English language level is depleting since I tried conversing in Sabahan & Indonesian cause I use less English now* ??? Was that even a proper explanation in English??)